Well,its another HOT week here and getting stuff done is really hard because of the heat!! Am still struggling with our finances and just living from one day to the next!! Had to take our whole check this last week and try to get caught up as much as we could on our bills to keep from getting them shut off! Got the water and internet done but couldn't pay the light bill as its way to high so had to call light Co. and make arrangements to pay out in payments which will make our bill in Sept. even higher!! And now got to get caught up on rent this week coming up and next week too!! You know to be honest I'm so sick of and tired of struggling all the time and sick and tired of being sick and tired!!! It seems I've been struggling all my damn life and still can't make things meet!!! Sometimes I wonder what I'm even living for because it all gets to me!! And knowing I'm an empath and going out around other people and picking up on thier emotions and struggling with my own,thats noooo fun!! I do try to ground myself or put a bubble of protection around me but at times I forget because I have so much on my mind I can't think straight!!! And having Fibro doesn't help that any either!!! I want to have the things I need for my witchcraft too and can't afford it either!!! Is it really worth all this ? am I going through all this for nothing? Goddess help me because I don't know how much more I can take!! I hope and wish that things get better soon for us or I'm about ready to throw up my hands and say I give up!!!! I'll be glad when Sept. get's here because thats finally when we are supposed to get the money on the lawsuit from Tyson and his backpay!!! Maybe then things will ease up!! Until then I just have to hold on and keep asking the Goddess for her help!!!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Well,I've been through a week of pain now with my stomach and insides hurting really bad and haven't been eating or sleeping. I'm so tired of living with it but with no insurance and no money I can't go see no doctors! I'm tough & stubborn and I'll survive,always have!! Well I finally got my group up & running no thanks to others who were there,I had to do this on my own! Brenda and Lisa and all have abandoned me to make thier own groups so guess I'll make it & go on with what I can do! Have a dear friend back who left Facebook for a while but shes back and more than willing to do what she can for me now to keep me going and encourages me to no end!! OH,and about my being a witch,YES,I am and soon as my studies are all done she is going to help me more,I'm going to be a Priestess!!!!!! YES!!! I am so happy about that!!! I am working my way through my craft and now helping others too to learn more as they seek knowledge to become the witch they want to be!! We don't have stores around to get the things I need so I am waiting until the money is right and I'm going to order what all I 'll need from online. I hope this coming up week-end going to be nice because I have been wanting to get some much needed rest. Hopefully I will!! Oh,and I got some really awesome pictures of my grandbabys and I have to say I'm so proud of them!!! Well,May the Goddess watch over me and bless me through this night!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Boy,Its been one heck of a week so far!! I don't know what is going on but its just gotta get better,if not I'm ready to bury my head in a sandbox!! Really,really need a vacation badly right now!! I wish right now I was over in Ireland where I had some peace,contentment and quiet ! I know we all go through bad times but not all the time,whewwwww!! It seems like lately it goes with the old saying of "when it rains,it pours"!! I am going through problems with my hubby and my kids all at the same time. My kids wanna do nothing but cause drama and fighting with the family issues,I finally got enough last night with them and told them exactly where I stood!! If they wanna get along with me they will stop with the drama and cussing and arguments and learn I won't take it anymore!! And as for my ole man,I don't know if he will ever change !! Men I've found just don't understand how we as women feel and what we go through !! Then last night someone who I thought was my best friend on facebook said she would never leave me as a friend suddenly dropped from my group and dropped me as a friend! I went to her to confide something I felt needed to be told(nothing about her) I was trying to save another friend from getting hurt. And then she just up and drops me!! I was so hurt and heartbroken because I had put my heart out to her and my trust and I see how I was repaid. I feel like I won't do that anymore!! And I'm ready to say if people can't accept me for who and what I am then the hell with them!! Well,I sure hope tomorrow is better than the beginning of the week has been ! I'm thinking about taking a weeks vacation from Facebook and watch my shows online or go somewhere before I go stark raving crazy!!! I'll be so glad when June gets here and we get the money from the Tyson lawsuit and backpay so we can take a vacation somewhere,anywhere just away from here!!!
Monday, April 30, 2012
It seems today has been one of those days when I either should have stayed in bed or go bury my head in the sand!! First it really started yesterday when my ole man and I didn't speak to one another from me being angry with him over our intimate life!! It seems to me he can make every excuse in the book for not being making love to me there is!! It's bad enough I don't have a great self esteem as it is and this just seems to makes me feel worse!! I then get up this morning and he had been in from work for 2 hours in which he could have made that up to me but nooooo,he says he was just trying to let me sleep,I appreciate the effort but he could have come been intimate with me and then let me sleep afterwards!! Its seems to me our married life is like living as an old married couple!! Live together as married but with out the intimate part!!! And he thinks buying me things is his way of showing me he loves me,I could well do witout material things and would rather he show me the right way he loves me!!! Then we had a knock down drag out argument this morning which didn't put either one of us in a great mood all day and not speaking again!! And then we find out someone got Facebook to shut down our weather page and he has been angry all day about that and trying to get it back and can't !!! And it just seems like when it rains ,it pours around here(bad wise) !!!! I'm so sick of arguments and fights all the time and he blames me for them when he could try to understand how we as women feel!! I feel like I have lucked out when it comes to men and romance!!! They just don't have it nor do they understand it!!! I guess we will be sleeping on opposite sides of the bed from now on if this keeps up!! If I have to keep going through this I will scream!!!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
O.K. Here goes,I am 58 years old and am a survivor! I was adopted at 5 years of age and raised an only child the abuse the started then and I lived with it for 40 years of my life. I ran away from home at 16 was put in a institution after a mental breakdown and then at 17 was put in a foster home which I ran away from and put in a place for kids who do stuff like that. After getting out I married at 18 by rebound and had my first child at 19. All this time still suffering abuse.(through 8 kids) I haven't known what happiness was or is until finally 18 years ago after getting the courage to file for divorce and meeting the man who I am married to now. I have had a hard life and still suffer repucussions from all I lived through but am very thankful that I now have someone who treats me well and tries to do all he can to make me happy!! I started this so I could have a place to turn to when I feel down and need to talk and know that the Goddess will guide me where I need to go. Since turning to withcraft my life has been a lot better. And I have met some of the most wonderful people & made a lot of friends(witchy) ...I love each & everyone of them as if they were my family!!